jmoody59
08-07-2008, 08:49 AM
Ok, excuse me while I ramble for a bit. If you feel comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear your stories but if not, I hope I have given you something to think about:
A couple of weeks ago my husband and I went to see Hellboy 2 at our favorite theater. Before the movie, as we traditionally do, we had lunch at Johnny Rocket’s. I left the house in a good mood, looking forward to the afternoon. Then we get to the restaurant and the waitress led us to a booth. I start to slide into the booth, only to be met with pain. My stomach hit the side of the table and it hurt. After the pain subsided, embarrassment set in. I managed to fit into the booth but the table dug into me throughout the meal.
Now obviously I could have asked to be seated at a table with pull out chairs, but frankly, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After we ate, saw the movie and returned home, I did quite a bit of thinking. I wondered , “Have you hit bottom yet?”
Ever hear someone ask “Didn’t [some random overweight person] see themselves get fat? What, did it just happen overnight? ” Well, my answer would be no, in a sense, I didn’t see myself get overweight. And to a degree, it did happen overnight. Now I am neither stupid nor blind. I knew I was gaining weight – after all, I’ve got clothes in the closet (http://www.sbelements.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=48008&cat=500&ppuser=1238) that I can’t fit into any more. And I do look in the mirror but bizarre as it may sound, I don’t see the true amount of extra weight. It takes “hitting bottom” so to speak for it to fully register.
Buying larger clothes doesn’t seem to be that point. Getting caught off-guard by a picture of myself can be. The first time I walked through the doors of Weight Watchers came after seeing the top photo seen in this layout (http://www.sbelements.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=31894). My appearance in that picture literally shocked me – I cried all the way home after ward. And I determined to do something about it. With the guidance of WW, I did – I lost 65 pounds. Then for various reasons/excuses I not only gained it all back but I gained even more. I now weigh literally twice what I should.
Literally twice. If I lost all the weight I should and wanted to show people a visual of how much I lost, I’d have to go around bugging complete strangers to let me pick them up. Or just pick up my husband. (Hmmm, did that come out right?)
Anyway, so that brings us full circle to Johnny Rocket’s. Was that my bottom point this time? I don’t know. But now I have to add my conversation with my doctor yesterday. I was in for a general check up and to begin with, I am healthier than I have any right to be. My blood pressure is fine, my bloodwork came back normal. But this just means right now I’m lucky – I’m overweight and I smoke so there is no way I’m going to stay that lucky. While we were talking my doctor asked me if I had considered getting a lap band. I had been dreading, but expecting, that to be brought up at some point.
Now, before I go any further, I want to make sure that you realize that I truly believe that everyone has a right to choose their own path to weight loss/a heathier lifestyle. But I also believe that not every path is right for every person. So how I may feel about a lap band is meant only for me – I truly hope that I don’t come off sounding like I am condeming it for everyone.
So back to me and the doctor. I told him that I had read up on it because someone I knew was considering it. However, it’s not a choice for me for a couple of reasons: One is when I underwent cancer treatment, I had a port-a-cath put in for the chemotherapy. I hated that thing and lived in constant fear that something would happen to it. I really hate the thought of having a foreign object in my body again. It hasn’t been all that long since the port-a-cath was removed. Another is does it help if the problem is I make bad food choices? The example I gave him was if I had a choice between a cup of salad and 2 Twinkies and I chose 2 Twinkies, would a lap band still help me lose weight? Yeah, I’d be just as full but really, what would I be accomplishing? He agreed that in the example I gave, I wouldn’t lose weight. We talked a bit about the fact that I am still out of work and depression is really starting to take hold of me. I find it hard enough to get dressed and leave the house let alone worry about what I’m eating.
So now I have two things to seriously consider - the incident at Johnny Rocket’s and now possible surgery (albeit minor outpatient surgery). I promised the doctor I would think about it and I am. I briefly discussed it with my husband when I came home because he could tell I was upset. After assuring him that the cancer hadn’t come back (which I know was his first fear) I told him what the doctor and I talked about. He did make me feel somewhat better by pointing out that I don’t eat a lot. I pointed out that no, I don’t sit around all day eating. However, the problem is I DO sit around all day. Plus when I eat, my choices are terrible! I don’t eat a healthy lunch – I eat a peanut butter sandwich and chips! I don’t drink water – I drink coffee loaded with sugar. He doesn’t want me to have the surgery and I don’t want me to have the surgery. Frankly, I’m kind of hoping that 2009 will be the first year in quite a few that I manage NOT to have surgery of any kind.
So where am I at right now? I don’t know yet. Lots of (no calorie, fat free) food for thought. I could sit here and tell you I’m going to run out and join WW again or I’m going to start going to Curves (that I am still paying for) three times a week. But I’m not going to do that. While I know that goals are wonderful things and can work in your favor, right now for me, setting goals just seem to work against me. If I say I’m going to go to WW, the first meeting I miss, I’m ready to throw up my hands and say “Well I failed at that.”
Instead, for now, I’m going to try something new: Instead of looking forward, I’m going to look backwards. At the end of each week I’m going to look back over the week and focus on what I did right that week. No matter how small. I’m going to celebrate my victories instead of concentrating on my falls. Hopefully at some point I’ll be able to switch views again. In the meantime, I’m going to start another thread in the forum about nonscale victories, or “It’s the Little Things.” I hope you join me and celebrate your victories as well.
A couple of weeks ago my husband and I went to see Hellboy 2 at our favorite theater. Before the movie, as we traditionally do, we had lunch at Johnny Rocket’s. I left the house in a good mood, looking forward to the afternoon. Then we get to the restaurant and the waitress led us to a booth. I start to slide into the booth, only to be met with pain. My stomach hit the side of the table and it hurt. After the pain subsided, embarrassment set in. I managed to fit into the booth but the table dug into me throughout the meal.
Now obviously I could have asked to be seated at a table with pull out chairs, but frankly, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After we ate, saw the movie and returned home, I did quite a bit of thinking. I wondered , “Have you hit bottom yet?”
Ever hear someone ask “Didn’t [some random overweight person] see themselves get fat? What, did it just happen overnight? ” Well, my answer would be no, in a sense, I didn’t see myself get overweight. And to a degree, it did happen overnight. Now I am neither stupid nor blind. I knew I was gaining weight – after all, I’ve got clothes in the closet (http://www.sbelements.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=48008&cat=500&ppuser=1238) that I can’t fit into any more. And I do look in the mirror but bizarre as it may sound, I don’t see the true amount of extra weight. It takes “hitting bottom” so to speak for it to fully register.
Buying larger clothes doesn’t seem to be that point. Getting caught off-guard by a picture of myself can be. The first time I walked through the doors of Weight Watchers came after seeing the top photo seen in this layout (http://www.sbelements.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=31894). My appearance in that picture literally shocked me – I cried all the way home after ward. And I determined to do something about it. With the guidance of WW, I did – I lost 65 pounds. Then for various reasons/excuses I not only gained it all back but I gained even more. I now weigh literally twice what I should.
Literally twice. If I lost all the weight I should and wanted to show people a visual of how much I lost, I’d have to go around bugging complete strangers to let me pick them up. Or just pick up my husband. (Hmmm, did that come out right?)
Anyway, so that brings us full circle to Johnny Rocket’s. Was that my bottom point this time? I don’t know. But now I have to add my conversation with my doctor yesterday. I was in for a general check up and to begin with, I am healthier than I have any right to be. My blood pressure is fine, my bloodwork came back normal. But this just means right now I’m lucky – I’m overweight and I smoke so there is no way I’m going to stay that lucky. While we were talking my doctor asked me if I had considered getting a lap band. I had been dreading, but expecting, that to be brought up at some point.
Now, before I go any further, I want to make sure that you realize that I truly believe that everyone has a right to choose their own path to weight loss/a heathier lifestyle. But I also believe that not every path is right for every person. So how I may feel about a lap band is meant only for me – I truly hope that I don’t come off sounding like I am condeming it for everyone.
So back to me and the doctor. I told him that I had read up on it because someone I knew was considering it. However, it’s not a choice for me for a couple of reasons: One is when I underwent cancer treatment, I had a port-a-cath put in for the chemotherapy. I hated that thing and lived in constant fear that something would happen to it. I really hate the thought of having a foreign object in my body again. It hasn’t been all that long since the port-a-cath was removed. Another is does it help if the problem is I make bad food choices? The example I gave him was if I had a choice between a cup of salad and 2 Twinkies and I chose 2 Twinkies, would a lap band still help me lose weight? Yeah, I’d be just as full but really, what would I be accomplishing? He agreed that in the example I gave, I wouldn’t lose weight. We talked a bit about the fact that I am still out of work and depression is really starting to take hold of me. I find it hard enough to get dressed and leave the house let alone worry about what I’m eating.
So now I have two things to seriously consider - the incident at Johnny Rocket’s and now possible surgery (albeit minor outpatient surgery). I promised the doctor I would think about it and I am. I briefly discussed it with my husband when I came home because he could tell I was upset. After assuring him that the cancer hadn’t come back (which I know was his first fear) I told him what the doctor and I talked about. He did make me feel somewhat better by pointing out that I don’t eat a lot. I pointed out that no, I don’t sit around all day eating. However, the problem is I DO sit around all day. Plus when I eat, my choices are terrible! I don’t eat a healthy lunch – I eat a peanut butter sandwich and chips! I don’t drink water – I drink coffee loaded with sugar. He doesn’t want me to have the surgery and I don’t want me to have the surgery. Frankly, I’m kind of hoping that 2009 will be the first year in quite a few that I manage NOT to have surgery of any kind.
So where am I at right now? I don’t know yet. Lots of (no calorie, fat free) food for thought. I could sit here and tell you I’m going to run out and join WW again or I’m going to start going to Curves (that I am still paying for) three times a week. But I’m not going to do that. While I know that goals are wonderful things and can work in your favor, right now for me, setting goals just seem to work against me. If I say I’m going to go to WW, the first meeting I miss, I’m ready to throw up my hands and say “Well I failed at that.”
Instead, for now, I’m going to try something new: Instead of looking forward, I’m going to look backwards. At the end of each week I’m going to look back over the week and focus on what I did right that week. No matter how small. I’m going to celebrate my victories instead of concentrating on my falls. Hopefully at some point I’ll be able to switch views again. In the meantime, I’m going to start another thread in the forum about nonscale victories, or “It’s the Little Things.” I hope you join me and celebrate your victories as well.